Question #1 Part TWO

So what makes mine and Bronsons relation ship great? I think it's the fact that we know it's not.

We are constantly trying to make it better because we know it could always be better than what it currently is.

Weve more recently have become completely honest with each other and our selves... This has changed our marriage for the better drastically, in my opinion. He lets me be me and I encourage him to be him. We know our relation is far from perfect, but we also have figured out what works for us....and what were doing now works for us.

We did things completely backwards getting married. Completely. But for us, thats how it had to happen. We needed it that way.....and I cant tell you why. God works in mysterious ways, and the way our story has played out is a part of a bigger plan.

I dont condone doing what we did, by the way. Not at all. 50% of marriages fail when the couples do everything the "right" way anyways, so going into it the way we did, the odds weren't in our favor.

We got married too young and out of fear. But we knew we loved each other like crazy. Even now, when we think about it, we might argue, and not be on the same page sometimes, and then throw our 2 kids going crazy into the mix.... Things arent smiles and giggles all the time-they just arent. but there's no one I'd rather be doing this with than him. And he feels the same way and about me.

I really like him a lot, too, on top of loving him....There's a difference, you know. You have to stay "in like" as much as you have to stay in love. He makes me laugh and is my best and truest friend.

At the end of each day we love each other like crazy... We've tried not to, even. Swear. There have been horrible, ugly points in our marriage where nothing made sense and both of us have wanted to call it quits. And it didn't work. Literally, we couldn't not love each other. We love each other and our family too much, and that's what keeps this crazy ship afloat.

If I had to make a list of the why our marriage has succeeded so far it would be:

1) We have fun together- we make it a huge priority to just have fun. Being married doesn't mean you sit inside all day and eat dinner at 5, watch tv, then go to sleep at 10. We do fun stuff all the time.

2) We have the same friends. His friends are my friends, and my friends are his friends. And most importantly, they're fiends with our kids. We're a package deal and our friends know that..... And I feel like they love it. They fall in love with our kids and visa versa. It wouldn't work any other way.

3) We make goals together... We talk about our future and get excited about it all the time.

4) We spice things up. Haha. Monotony equals death in the Christensen fam...We're spontaneous. We try new stuff. We don't live by schedules.

5) We don't go to bed mad. We work things out so resentment doesn't build. And this might be going off on a bit if a tangent.. But I feel like it's important to argue (not ugly/yell argue.... Just more like disagree) in front your kids, because this is inevitiable...but it's sooo important to show them how to overcome disagreements and make up correctly. I feel like the worst thing you could do is start a fight In front of your kids, and then not want to fight In front Of them, so you just end it right there by walking away, or ignoring the issue. I want my kids to see that disaggrements will always happen, and I also want them to see a healthy way to resolve those disagreements.

6) We respect each other and we respect ourselves. If one of us feels disrespected we tell each other right away.

7) We go to counseling! I'm so
Surprised by the amount of people that think this is a negative thing.... Like things must not be going good in our marriage or something by talking with a counselor. Talking to a professional family therapist is proactive in my eyes, and only helps us deal with issues that arise. Some people go to a financial planner to help manage their money correctly, right? Well, we go to a family counselor to help manage our family correctly. It doesn't happen frequently, but when issues come up-we go. And I love it. I look forward to it, actually. It helps get to to the root of everything and we understand each other so much more after a session. It feels really good.

8) I heard someone make an analogy once about the way a muscle is made stronger, and the correlation it has to ones life. Tiny microscopic tears occur when you stress your muscle (I.e. weight lift, run, etc...) Then, tissue goes into those tears to rebuild and repair the muscle, therefore, making it bigger and stronger. With every tear, mistake, and negative point in our marriage, we've used it as a way to become stronger... This means putting our egos away... Putting stubbornness away, and letting go of the past. It's not easy, but if you want a healthy marriage, it's what has to happen. A lot of personal and emotional healing has to go Into this, and it takes time and a lot of effort. But it can happen if you want it badly enough.

9) And finally, our kids. Our kids are first in everything we do. They are the glue that bonds us so tightly together and everything we do is for them. We never look at them as a nuisance, or bother. They are the most important things to both of us, and honestly, the light in our lives. The yway brons loves our kids makes me love him even more. And I know it's the same for him about me.