Where have I been, you ask.... I've been here in my house. But more than that, I've been in my head. And searching my soul.
I don't think the timing of this is coincidental either. It seems that with every baby I have (which are only the two....but two outta two means something) a life altering event happens to me. I come to a place where I have to either grow and get stronger or crumble and give in. Thankfully, after a lot of hard work and serious soul searching I think it's safe to say I've come out of it a better and more knowledgable person.
I want to share one thing I've come to know in the last 5 months. Awareness is powerful.
I'll say it again...
Awareness is powerful.
Come to know yourself... Your whole self. The parts you put on display and the parts you shove into the deepest darkest holes in your spirit. Acknowledge the good and the bad and don't beat yourself up for either. Know what triggers you have and then dig deep and acknowledge why certain behaviors, or words, or actions trigger you the way they do. Why are you the way you are?
I think that I thought really delving into to myself would be scary because, in a sense, it would mean I would have to change.... And if I change then it means my children's life changes, my husbands life changes. Our families life changes. I wasn't sure if I wanted anything to change.
But then I didn't care... I felt pulled into myself. I didn't have a choice anymore and so I dove. I dove head first into my soul, heart and head. I dove into books, into other peoples stories,I dove deep down into my past, into my relatioships... I became consumed.
And then something happened. I felt lighter. I FEEL lighter. Knowing myself thoroughly and committing to myself to always strive to align my personality with my soul has lifted a burden off myself that I honestly wasn't even aware I was carrying.
Arewareness doesn't have to mean change.
So don't be scared of it. Ignorance is not bliss. Not at all. Awareness is a life of more understanding and peace. I have more empathy and compassion. I'm more comfortable and accepting of my self and I really do love myself more than I ever have before. And when you love yourself you open yourself up to even more love. Its good... Real good.
So there's my advice for the day. Take it or leave it, but I had to share.
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I love this.. It's crazy how so much time can go by and you can still continue to learn more and more about yourself. Things you didn't even know after being here for 20 something years. I also think that things change with certain events that change as well. Like with you having another child, it's another life event that you react differently to those different situations. You are gaining more wisdom and growing up. It's all just crazy... but I do think that awareness is powerful as well, and I actually think that I needed to hear that. It has been a challenge for me to fully love myself... and I know that the more I do, the better life gets. Hope you guys are well Xo.
ReplyDeleteoh, wes. where do i start? i've been going through something rather similar. something happened within me around thanksgiving... and things haven't been really the same ever since-- both good and bad. i haven't been able to love myself. my thoughts are constantly consumed with toxic negative thoughts. my emotions are such burden to me. i hate it sometimes. i look at people like you and i can't help but to loathe myself even more. though, i've been slowly working on this self-destructive side of mine... hopefully i can be where you are at soon.
ReplyDeleteLove you Weslie- You are a special one!
ReplyDeleteI love love love this. Amazing words of wisdom, you're great!
ReplyDelete(Although, I'm scared for when I have children.)
So i just wanted to tell you that you kinda changed my life last night (if i can be dramatic)..haha but seriously. There's a lot going on in life right now and made me realize its time for me to do some serious soul searchin!! So i meditated, went to bed, woke up and made a blog..hah just know im moved by your honesty and outlook on life, and also your adorable adorable little family.
ReplyDelete