boo hoo

If I was 8...and a boy...and if it was raining, this is exactly how I would look right now.

Mr. Christensen had to get on a plane today and head back LA. And Ive been fighting some serious emptiness, sadness, and have been holding back tears all day.

You see, theres a catch 22 when living away from your loved one. After 10 weeks straight of not seeing them and doing everything yourself and on your own, you almost get used to solitude. You get used to not checking in and leaving when you want to, and not worrying about your significant others schedule....cause no matter what, it doesnt change your day. Loneliness and single mother-ness becomes normal even though its not normal and youre in a healthy committed marriage.

So you get used to this...hating it all the while, but regardless, its your life and you cope with it. And then, he comes home for 6 days and its like the best vacation youve ever been on. Seriously. Youre just watching nextflix on the dirty old couch in the basement and its better than being on any beach in Hawaii. This, of course, makes you realize how nothing in the world is better than having the people you love more than anything else surrounding you...it makes you realize what you have, and know how awful life is like without them.

So I guess its a good thing....? Right?

The hardest part is knowing what its like without them and having to say goodbye. I'm directly back at square one and have to fight all over again to toughen up, get myself out of bed, and just keep moving forward. But, its not like before when we were going into this blind. Were fully aware of the heartache and the frustration that comes with not being able to experience little things that make day to day life enjoyable together.

This is all happening for a reason, and our family is becoming stronger for it, Im sure. But, dear husband, I'm over it. Move home.