es verdad, mis amigos.

All I want to instill in my children is to find out who they are and fall in love with themselves. (not in a narcissist way, of course)

i hope i do a good job...i sure am tryin.

fml

mmmm hmmm.
this is what my last two weeks has felt like.

but, yes, I am dramatic.

I cant get into everything just yet...oh boy, do I want to though.

Lets just say we've spent a months income on lawyers and court fees, and I've never, not EVER, expected to take this route with anyone I've ever come across. Nor, did I know what it was like to feel pure hatred like I do now.

I seriously hate a person. Have you ever really hated anyone? Well its terrible. Ive never in my life hated someone until now and let me tell you, its not a pleasant feeling.

Its more consuming and draining and saddening than anything else. It sucks.

Most of all, the worst part of all this is its timing. I had just come off the vacation of a lifetime with a burst of new energy and life. I felt so good about everything and everyone around me and felt like I wnted to better myself and my family....then WHAM! Everything changes and I'm having a daily meltdown/pity party for myself.

The good news is today has been the turning point. I've cried enough, sworn enough, and been in enough bad moods for a lifetime. I've let this situation and these people control me and somewhere along the line I've become a "victim". Ewe. I hate victims. Seriously, I despise victim people who are always whining about everything happening to them and their sucky attitudes. Sooooo, I woke up this morning and changed my attitude. And suprisingly, Ive had a wonderful day.

Hmmmm...imagine that.

I'll of course spill all the dirty details when this mess is over with, and believe me...you'll want to hear them. And, no, I wont feel bad for it. In the mean time...pray for my little family that we can make it out on top of this mess...even though you dont know what this mess is yet.

ch ch cha changes..turn and face the strange

Great changes are ahead for me and my family....whether they like it or not.

Ever since we returned from our trip I've had a new energy about life in general. I try to get the most out of every day and feel so much more productive.

I remembered somewhere along the line while we were in Europe that your brain is a muscle and you have to constantly exercise it if you want growth...so, I've been reading great books, learning new things, exercising more frequently, and in return...I feel more confident. Really, I feel good about my self and all my decisions.

Another change in the works...see that cute little munchkin up there? She may be the cutest dang thing you've ever seen...but whewww eeee, shes's a demanding and controlling little one. She's mastered the art of manipulation at the ripe old age of 23 months haha.

Well she has got another thing coming to her...poor little lubchug. Zu-lady doesn't even know whats comin. She is not in control of this mama ANYMORE.

Who says you have to make resolutions at New Years, anyways? June sounds like a great month to me.

ohhh matt clayton...how on earth do you always snap the best photos??

I was scrolling down Matt's blog and this group of handsome young men caught my eye.

To be honest, I completely forgot Brons and my brothers-in-law did a a shoot with Matt a while back...so it was like Christmas when I saw this picture!

If you want to see more of Matt Clayton's work click on his name in my favorites up at the top of my page.

Barcelona, Spain to Madrid to NYC to HOME!

Barcelona has to be on my top three list. It’s a beautiful, clean city with awesome people and crazy entertainment. I definitely want to go back to Spain along with Greece and even Venice too. We got off the ship and had to find our hotel…we took a train the complete wrong direction for awhile before we realizing we were going the opposite direction from our hotel. So we got off and flagged down a taxi to drive us to our hotel…it’s a good thing too, cause we never would have found it. Our taxi driver and Sam hit it off and were talking non stop the whole drive there….the rest of us don’t speak Spanish so we had no idea what was being said but we knew our taxi guy was pretty excited about it. We got out and asked Sam what the taxi guy was so stoked about, and it turns out the he found out sam does yoga and was so happy about it he kept saying he wanted to stop the cab right then and there to do yoga with sam on the road and talk about Buddhism, along the Wilco and The Pixies. Haha it was pretty funny.

Then we got to our hotel laid out in the sunshine forever, and went back out to inner-city Barcelona that night. Its funny to think that I was scared of public transportation before this trip, because I have learned to love it now. It’s so much simpler than I expected and I have honestly considered selling our car when we get home. Of course I would never but if we ever move to big city…our car will be the first thing to go.

We had to wake up a 4am to catch our flight to Madrid the next day where we had a 10 hour layover. We decided to get out of the ariport and just cruised around the city…we actually went to the Madrid soccer stadium which is, I guess, the nicest in the world. Corey was so excited he was like a little kid. He eats, breaths, and sleeps soccer so it was the perfect stop for him. We got to see the workers cut the grass, which seems like such a monstrous job but the way they do it was so cool. They use normal lawn mowers that you push along and they are soooo good at it. So after seeing the stadium we headed back to the airport where we boarded our flight to…

NYC!

It was so fun. We got there around 9pm so 3am-ish for us. We were bushed…but not enough to not go out and shut the city the down. Sooooo, we get off the plane and look for a taxi. The first guy that comes up to us we choose because were too tired to bargain a good deal and look around for another driver. We start heading into the parking lot of the airport where he takes us to this sketchy, burgundy van with a missing head light, the check-engine light on, and no A/C. Our driver then proceeds to tell us he could get arrested for not having an actual license to taxi people around so could we “please hand him the cash incomspiculously?” I was a little scared until he started telling us about his life back in Trinidad and Tobago where he is originally from, and then challenged us in a foot race. Hes a black 60+ year old man who could easily beat anyone in any athletic event haha. He drove us to Little Italy where we met up with our friends Alyssa and Jamie. They both have been living in NYC for a couple months now and know all the fun places to go out …they live in downtown so we were right in the mix of things. They were great hosts and I’m so excited to go back and hang out with them more! It was seriously one of the funniest nights of the trip.

….But, right now were on the plane back to Utah and I have to say I have the worst buttlerflies in my stomach ever, and I feel like its Christmas eve or something. Im so excited to see Zuri I don’t even have the words. Im a little nervous she’ll be mad at us for being away so long, but I hope that’s not the case. If Ive learned anything in these past couple weeks, it’s how big of an effect that little girl has on me. It took me at least 4 days of being on the cruise to stop feeling selfish everytime I did something just for me. Ive realized I don’t even know who I am without having her around to mother, or always have her to go right back home to.

It was good in a sense that I got to remember that I can still be fun and have adult conversations again, and all the free time gave me lots of opportunity to think about and appreciate the good little family life I have back home. But it was really, really nice to get that old feeling of remember who I am…and not just as Zuri’s mom. I needed that little reminder and it came at the perfect time!

Pisa, Italy then Monte Carlo, Monoco

We were so bushed after Rome that the next day we slept-in and missed our date with our Canadian Parents. We were pretty bummed. But instead of going to Florence like we originally planned, we decided to go to Pisa instead where we saw the leaning tower of Pisa…it was pretty dang cool. We tried to find out all the history about it but go way too carried away taking funny pictures with the tower. Plus, it was hard to take it seriously when all the little store vendors there had men’s underwear’s hanging everywhere with cleverly placed leaning towers on them. You get the picture.… it was hilarious.

Next!

We went to Monte Carlo, Monoco. We met back up with our Canadian mums and dads and explored the city…Its where the Grand Prix and the Cannes Film festival is every year. It is weallllthy. …Like snobs driving Maserati’s and Rolls Royces everywhere, wealthy. Its also famous for their casino. They don’t let you gamble until they do a credit check to make sure you have muy denero to lose. You used to have to wear a tux to even get into the casino lobby just 5 years ago. Nuts. But it is a beyond beautiful little costal city where everyone speaks French and smokes. Have I mentioned about everyone smoking by the way? Well, everyone and I mean EVERYONE smokes in Europe. Like, for example, our waiter in Rome would refill our drinks then go smoke in the corner of the restaurant. Seriously, INSIDE the restaurant. And you can buy cigarettes in vending machines. So gross.

Naples then Rome, Italy

We went to Naples, Italy yesterday and just got back from our long, long, long day in Rome! …and I found something out that has bothered me all day. Its name is not Naples…Its Napoli. And Venice, Italy is not Venice…Its Venecia. Rome is Roma. Lets get it right, Americans!!!! Whew…ok, now that that’s off my chest …. Naples is dirty and just like any other big city by the water…but its cool to see a lot of legit African people there. I bought a little wooden owl and cute little elephant for our house from the blackest person I’ve ever seen in my life. His skin was literally black…it was crazy. Form there we went to the city of Pompei…Its an ancient city that was buried in over 5 feet of ash when Mount Vesuvius erupted thousands of years ago. Every single living thing died from suffocation when the ash cloud hit the city..no one had a chance. The crazy thing is that the ash actually petrified everything it buried, leaving whole bodies practically un-decayed…so when they discovered the city hundreds of years after, they un-dug whole families still lying in their beds just as they were the day the volcano erupted. It was eerie and kind of sad but really cool at the same it.

We went to Sorrento, Italy by train after we left Pompei and I LOVED IT! We ate the most delicious margarita pizza, lasagna, as gnocchi you could imagine for only 6 Euro. No American food will ever come close to it. Screw you CPK! I will no longer spend $12 on your not real/very expensive/not even that good pizza again.

Moving onto Rome…..well, I can start by saying that my Forever 21 sandals I bought the day before our trip are now officially worn down past the rubber soles. We walked at least 10 miles today, and right now I am in a bathrobe, in my little twin bunk-bed, too exhausted to even go to dinner tonight. We saw EVERYTHING! You’ll just have to look at the pictures whenever I get them up because I’m not even going to try to explain Rome in words. It was crazy to say the very least.

Mykonos, Greece

I.LOVE.MYKONOS!

Like really, really, really love it. Were definitely coming back sometime.

Its all white with different colored roofs and trim, right on the ocean. Its paradise. And funny enough….thats the name of the beach we went to in Mykonos. We took a bus just a few miles outside of the city and layed at the beach for a couple hours…there were lots of nakey bums and boobies which made our little adventure even more funny. This is of course because I was with 3 other childish, immature, 20-something-year-old BOYS. Well, I take that back….even if I was alone I would have been giggling just as much as I was with them. Its so weird seeing naked bodies play paddle ball and laying around. I kind of hope I never get used it. Haha

Bringing up the BOYS….I have to let everyone know how much I love them. Its been so fun with the four of us. We’ve been traveling long enough together that I feel like we’ve all figured out our own place in this little Euro-Family we created. Sam’s the navigator and translator. Kind of like our trip dad. Corey chitchats with any person that speaks English we come across and, I quote, “just shoots the breeze with them.” He also says the funniest shiz ever. I’ve been laughing non stop. Bronson is guaranteed to have his ear buds in listening to Lil Weezy at all times, and is ALWAYS on the verge of napping…. I’ve never seen a human being sleep so many hours in the day EVER. I credit this to “the bear cave” which we have nicknamed our room on the ship. It has 2 twin-style bunk beds (Yes, that’s right… were all sleeping in our own individual bunk bed. Romantic, huh?) and no windows. The first couple days we would wake up at 3:00am not knowing what time it was, then 2:00pm the very next day….our bodies were so confused. And, me? Im, of course, the trip mom. I tell them to stop swearing, hand out Advil, budget the spending money, and worry about our safety/catching the ship before it leaves port. Its awesome.

Istanbul, Turkey

You could say that Istanbul is Turkey’s version of New York City…. We got there early in the morning in time to watch hundreds of men fishing off a huge bridge right in the middle of the city. It was something ill probably never forget because it was obvious they weren’t fishing for fun, they were fishing so they could feed their family… it made feel really happy about my comfortable little life back in the bubble.

The city is beautiful but filthy at the same time. They have big business buildings like any normal big city would have…but enormous religious Mosques stand every which-way you turn. It was un-real. They are so beautiful and MASSIVE. The bathrooms, on the other hand, are anything but beautiful and massive, they are a hole in the ground you have to squat over.. this form of public restroom costs a dollar to use by the way. Vomit worthy disgusting.

It was pretty hazy and even drizzled on and off throughout the day, so it was a perfect for doing the normal touristy type of exploration… we first had to navigate our way through the city to find the Blue Mosque…. this was an adventure in itself. I heard that the men there loved blonde women and were pretty forward about it…..Even offering to trade cattle for tourist women. This warning turned out to be pretty spot-on accurate and I'm glad I was for-warned. It was creepy a little but mostly funny….

Anyways….the blue mosque was nuts. We had to cover our legs, shoulders, and even heads just to look inside the Mosque. It’s huge and still functioning….the whole city stops 5 times a day to pray….the prayer even comes on across huge intercoms throughout the city sense the majority of Istanbul is Muslim. Store workers and people just in transit on the street stop what they’re doing to kneel and pray. It was so cool to see.

Then we went to Grand Bazaar..the biggest shopping place on earth….for real. The vendors there come at you like vultures and practically pull you into their shops…even food places have guys standing out front to get people to come inside. They start their offers at 100% more than whatever the item you want to buy is worth….it was comical. They would say a piece of jewelry would be 180 Turkish Leera and we would get them down to 20 Leera…. that’s like $10 U.S. Bronson was in bargaining heaven.

hmmmm speaking of Leera …the thing we are getting most out of visiting Istanbul is probably their form of money, the Turkish Leera. Hahahahah I am laughing even typing it. We began replacing any noun for the phrase ,“Turkish Leera.” Like Ill poke Corey in the shoulder and he’ll say, “Hey! Don’t touch my Turkish Leera!” Every item , and anything good, bad, funny, gross, or lost is now a Turkish Leera to the four of us. We laugh every time and I don’t think it will never get old. I know it probably sounds dumb to anyone who isnt here…but it has given us hours of fun and giggling.

All in all, Istanbul made me vastly aware of the outside World and how huge it actually is. To see women have to cover themselves from head to toe and a whole city be sooo devoted to their religion was an amazing site to see. It felt so far from home..its hard to explain the feeling. It made me appreciate my normal little life I have back in Utah that, now, seems so less chaotic than before.

I hate that all the crazy photos of our adventures we’ve been having wont upload…but I’ll post them the minute I can!